


Call Your Heroes

by Crystallion12, doritoFace1q



Series: Shingeki no Reactions [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And He Runs (Blixemi), Broadway, Characters React, Characters watching fan videos, Crack, Dancing, Frozen songs, Heathers - Freeform, Monster - Freeform, Multi, Music Videos - Freeform, Omake-Pfadlib, San Japan, Sisi ni Sawa, Skits, kind of, random updates whenever i feel like it, the lion guard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2019-10-13 11:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17487131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallion12/pseuds/Crystallion12, https://archiveofourown.org/users/doritoFace1q/pseuds/doritoFace1q
Summary: The Scouts watch crack and music videos and get confused.jUsT anOtHEr dAy foR tHE sUrveY coRps!





	1. And He Runs

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Characters React](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15790302) by [AutumnStevenson4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnStevenson4/pseuds/AutumnStevenson4). 



> Filler for the hiatus on Power to Strive III while I wait for part two of Season Three (my tissues have been prepared).
> 
> BTW, there WILL be references to PtS3 in here, but they're not major. You can read this without reading PtS3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mikasa sings an Eren guilt-trip.

The Scouts frowned as bouncy music began playing from the TV.

         “Is this an opening?”

         “Somehow, it doesn’t feel like it,” Petra frowned.

         **Mikasa appeared on screen, standing in the forest, swords out.**

         Everybody frowned. _I don’t remember this_ , Mikasa thought.

         _Bob said it doesn’t have to do with the future_ , Sasha thought. _But how could this have happened in the past?_

         **Mikasa began singing as maracas started playing. “ _Off you go inside your mind again. Your legs must shake from the memories you chase ‘round your head_.”**

Everybody raised their eyebrows in surprise. “Mikasa sings?” Connie asked.

         “Wow, your voice is really good!” Sasha said.

         “I don’t remember this,” Mikasa was completely confused by now. She hadn’t sung since her parents had died.

         “It must have been Bob’s doing,” Erwin said. “I can’t imagine what kind of power it takes to make this kind of thing happen.”

         “I can’t imagine _why_ Bob would want this to happen,” Hange said.

         **“ _I beg you no, but there you go to find a version of you that’s dead_.”**

Everybody slowly turned to look at Eren, an idea of who Mikasa was singing about forming in their minds.

         **“ _I don’t know why I let myself bear the cuts every time you shatter our lives to chase what you can’t leave behind. Your body’s here but it is clear you’re always searching for what you cannot find_.”**

Everybody was staring at Eren now. His eyes were wide. _Is that really how she feels?_ He turned to look at Mikasa, but her head was down, face hidden by her hair. “Mikasa?” She slowly shook her head, and a wave of guilt crashed over Eren.

         **“ _And you shut me out once more, I don’t know what you’re looking for_.” Mikasa’s face was visibly distraught by now. “ _And you turn your back on me, I’m getting used to all this secrecy. Each time I watch you go, the distance ‘tween us grows and grows. You may run in one place, but I can’t keep up this chase!_ ”**

Eren looked away, guilt clawing at his insides. He had never really thought about how his attitude and obsession could affect the people around him. He’d seen it on the TV, but now, hearing it spoken – or, rather, sang – out loud, it hit him in a completely new way.

         **Mikasa brandished her blades. “ _And he runs! You must be tired, running wild, tryna chase your past (and he runs). You run the time out just to find out that your legs can’t last (and he runs). You can’t escape it, you can’t change it, this race can’t be won_.” She lowered her swords and head. “ _But still, you always run_.”**

 _Dumbass_ , Jean crossed his arms, jealousy making room for disbelief and indignance for his friend. _Doesn’t he see how much this hurts her?_

         **“ _And just like that you go, to hide your heart deep down below_.” Mikasa released her blades. “ _And you just choose to ignore the brewing of our coming war_.”**

Armin frowned. “When has Eren ever ignored the war?” he asked. “Killing Titans is all he ever talks about.”

         “Maybe Mikasa means the human aspect of it,” Petra said. “It’s easy to forget, when you’re a soldier, and all your friends are in the military, that there are civilians who are affected by the fighting too.”

         Even more guilt hit Eren. She was right – he _had_ never considered that.

         **“ _And you seem to find such ease to leave while I fight desperately_.”**

Mikasa still hadn’t looked up, guilt continuing to hit Eren like a rampaging carriage. _I’ve never thought of that before. No matter how strong she is, she’s still human._ He sat straighter, filling with resolve, promising himself he’d never leave her – or any of his other friends – to fight for him again.

         **“ _While you’re off in the stars, I’m nursing battle scars_!”**

 _Honestly, this whole thing’s just an Eren guilt trip_ , Connie thought, glancing at the scar on Mikasa’s cheek. _Can’t say I’m not glad Mikasa finally stood up to him though – well, kind of_.

         **“ _And he runs! Now aren’t you tired running wild tryna chase your past? (And he runs!) You’ll run your mind out when you find out that your lungs can’t last. (And he runs!) You cannot change it, can’t escape it, this race can’t be won_.” She threw her handles aside. “ _And still you always –_ ”**

 _If he’s still oblivious, I’ll eat my cloak_ , Levi thought, his prior anger at Mikasa slowly fading.

         **“ _You have no idea what you put us through (Now I’m so tired running wild tryna chase your past). It doesn’t take long to trace it back to you (My lungs, my legs, my mind, my heart won’t last). So you can run, so run, you’ll run, go run, until you drop (Run, run, run, till you drop)_.” Mikasa fell to her knees. “ _But for me? I’ll finally stop._ ”**

“Good for you,” Sasha applauded as the screen went black.

         **“ _But he runs._ ”**

“It’s not over?” Hange was surprised.

         **“ _You must be tired running wild tryna chase your past (And he runs, and he runs, and he runs!). You’ll run your mind out when you find out that your legs can’t last (And he runs, and he runs, and he runs)_.” Mikasa appeared on screen again, wrapping her arms around herself. “ _You cannot change this, you must face it, your race can’t be won_. . .” She gripped her head. “ _But still you always run!_ ”**

 _Get a clue, already, Eren_ , Armin sighed.

         **“ _You run in circles, jumping hurdles, tryna turn back time (And he runs, and he runs, and he runs), and in your chase you will erase your place within my life (And he runs, and he runs, and he runs)_.”**

Eren’s heart throbbed. _Have I really been doing that?_ He thought of the past three years, and the future he’d seen on screen, and his chest tightened. _I’ve been pushing her away_. He clenched his fist. _Why? I’m such an idiot – she’s my only family left_.

         **Mikasa stood, tears running down her face, but her expression was determined. “ _So go and run now, chase the sundown, my time’s just begun._ ” She threw her hand to the side, eyes hardening in resolve.**

 _Can’t say seeing her grow a will of her own isn’t satisfying in some way_ , Hange thought. _Though I do hope she doesn’t really leave Ere. It doesn’t matter what she says – it would break her_.

         **“ _While you would much rather run_.” Mikasa picked up her handles, tucking them back into her gear. “ _So go and turn your back on the sun_.” She picked up her Survey Corps cloak, lying on the ground next to her, as she stood. “ _‘Cause still, you always_. . .” She swung it over her shoulder, fastening it around her neck as she walked out of the forest. “ _Run_.” The video ended with a shot of her back, silhouetted against the sunset outside the Walls, the cloak fluttering in a gentle breeze.**

Mikasa was silent as the shot faded. “Mikasa,” Eren said quietly. “Hey.” She looked up, and Eren was shocked to see her eyes shinier than usual. “Hey,” he said again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?” She sniffed, wiping at her eyes. “I won’t leave you,” he promised. “I won’t hurt you again, I swear. I’ll never make you fight because of me again.” She nodded, smiling weakly.

         “I know.”


	2. omake-pfadlib

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Levi plays a song meant for a guitar on the piano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to post them watching crack, but then Chapter 114 happened.
> 
> Check the notes at the end for my reaction to said chapter (I couldn't fit it up here)
> 
> EDIT 9/3/2018: Here’s the video to watch if you want to hear the lyrics (it’s so good!) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YJu05VJee2Y

**A piano appeared on screen, sitting in an open field. The grass was splattered with blood, and there were bloodied swords stuck into the ground.**

            The already-somber mood grew even darker.

            “What is this?” Eren asked, unsettled. “An expedition?”

            “But Bob said that the videos wouldn’t be from the future,” Sasha said.

            “Maybe it’s from the past?” Armin suggested.

            Erwin shook his head. “This doesn’t look like any expedition we’ve ever been involved in.

            “And what’s with the piano?” Connie asked.

            **Levi walked forwards from off-camera. His eyes were dull, and he was wearing his Scout uniform, also covered in blood.**

            “Captain?” Petra said, surprised.

            “Is Levi going to be singing, then?” Hange asked, excited.

            “I’d rather not bleed from the ears today,” Mikasa said scathingly.

            Erwin frowned, dismissing the sour teen’s words. He was more concerned with the expression on the younger man’s face onscreen. _He looks broken_. He hadn’t seen Levi like that since that rainy expedition six years ago.

            **Levi sat down at the piano. He hesitated for a moment before pressing the keys down, bloody fingers leaving red marks on the keys.**

            Everybody perked up slightly at the gentle, mournful tune. “The Captain can play?” Jean wasn’t the only one who was surprised.

            “A bit,” Levi frowned. He hadn’t played the piano since he’d lived in the Underground needed some extra cash, plonking out a few tunes in the sketchy bars and taverns.

            **Levi began singing. “ _Will I stay where it’s safe and sound? Or will I fight ‘till I hit the ground?_ ”**

            More than a few eyebrows were raised. Hange immediately began shaking Levi by the shoulders, screeching about how good his voice was and why the _hell_ did he never join her for a jam session, and did he know how boring it was to prop up buckets with smiley faces drawn on them behind instruments and try to play the guitar, drums, and sing all at once?

            _He’s actually really good_ , Sasha thought, surprised. She hadn’t taken him for the sort of guy who’d sit down and sing while playing the piano.

            _The song’s so sad_ , Historia thought. _The music, too_.

            **“ _Inside this bitter cage, all the flowers wilt down in the crimson sky_.” Levi trailed a few fingers over the higher keys.**

            _The Walls_ , Eren thought. The song echoed his sentiments just as much as Levi’s. _What does he mean by flowers in the crimson sky, though?_

            _Is he talking about his fallen comrades?_ Connie wondered.

            **“ _Take my hand, will we run or stay? In this world full of cruelty?_ ”**

            _A cruel world_ , Erwin thought. It seemed to be a running motif throughout all of the videos, as well as through the main show.

            **“ _Will we take arms with the hopes to see the sun again? We pray. ._.” Levi tilted his head back as he began singing louder. “ _Do we lack the strength to fight? Have we lost the will to fly?_ ”**

            Jean frowned. It was strangely disturbing to see Humanity’s Strongest Soldier questioning his own strength.

            **“ _The world is dark. . . the world is cruel. . . but still we hang on tight_.”**

            _This song could be about our fight with the Titans – the outside world – but it could also be about his past in the Underground_ , Petra thought.

            **The music got louder and more intense as Levi began pressing the keys harder. “ _If this final breath could somehow save this world, I’d breath my last sigh and close my tired eyes. And all the ones we lost, we’d find again, in this beautiful world we’ve wished for_.”**

            A subtle chill raced down Mikasa’s spine. _This is like_. . . she thought of those awful moments during the Battle of Trost when she’d thought Eren was dead. _He’s not like me, though. He wouldn’t stop fighting for himself._ She found herself thinking about what she would do, if she were offered the chance to die for the safety of the rest of the world.

            Jean was having similar thoughts. _Could I do it?_ A few months ago, he would have balked at the thought. But, now, he surprised himself with the realization that, if he could die for the safety of those in the room around him, he would do it in a heartbeat.

            **“ _But the world grows darker, we can’t recover. This narrow cage that we depend on slowly crumbles_.”**

            Armin had a strange desire to laugh at the words, remembering the way chunks of Wall Sina had crumbled, revealing the Wall Titans, after Eren’s fight with Annie.

            **Levi’s playing suddenly slowed. “ _Is this the end we cannot mend? We’re slowly dying_.”**

            Hange thought back to the days following Isabel and Farlan’s deaths. Levi had become something of a taboo topic within the Corps during that time period, with people steering clear of him, moving around him in a manner one would expect when handling precious china, or, perhaps, a grenade. She remembered being the only one he’d respond to during that time, save for Erwin – not by his choice, though, as she recalled with a small smile. There were some things in the world even Levi Ackerman couldn’t ignore, and a filthy Hange Zoë was one of them.

            **“ _If we’re here, even with fear, we must keep fighting_.” Levi stopped singing, fingers flying across the keys as he continued playing. He finished with a high, haunting progression, closing the song on a single note. The screen faded to black.**

            Nobody said anything, sitting there in silence, the last note still ringing in their minds, despite the video having ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
> 
> Ahem.


	3. ATTACK ON TITAN CRACK (2nd season special)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Scouts watch crack and everybody ignores the fact that Connie is obviously an interdimensional time lord who knows everything about our world and modern pop culture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be implied Eruri, BertReiner, JeanMarco, and Eremin in here. Personally, I ship all of them except for Eremin, but they won't be major to the plot.
> 
> If you want to watch the video, the link is here

**“ _All right!_ ” Bob said cheerfully. “ _Enough with all that doom and gloom –_ ”**

Mikasa and Levi both scowled.

            **“ _— and stop glaring at me, Ackerpals, I made this universe, I’m fucking omnipotent_.”**

Erwin glanced at Hange, eyebrow quirked. _Made this universe? What does she mean?_

            **“ _Oh, whatever._ ” Bob cleared her throat. “ _Listen up, suckers! I’m going to be introducing you to something very important. Life-changing. Might actually be world-changing, in fact_.”**

Everybody leaned forwards in anticipation.

            **“ _It’s called. . ._ crack _._ ”**

They were stunned.

            “Crack?” Connie scratched his head. “Am I the only one who doesn’t get this?”

            “Maybe it’s metaphorical!” Hange suggested. “It could symbolize that the information’s so important it’ll crack our minds!”  
            “I hope not,” Levi grumbled. “I’d rather stay sane, thank you very much.”

            “This, from the man who’s admitted to _being_ insane?”

            “Maybe it’s a new Titan power,” Armin suggested. “A way to crack Titan crystal without using Ymir’s jaw?”

            “Maybe it’s cocaine,” Levi said dryly.

            “What’s cocaine?” Sasha asked.

            Erwin slammed a hand over the younger man’s mouth before he could say anything.

            **“ _Oh, I see you, Erwin, being all sneaky_ ,” Bob snickered.**

“Huh?”

            “What does she mean?”

            Erwin dropped his hand as if he’d been zapped.

            **Bob sniggered. “ _All right, all right, calm down. Let’s just watch some crack, ‘kay? It should cheer you up. Or depress you beyond belief, I don’t care. Let’s do this!_ ”**

            “Um, what?”

            **An old woman sat on screen, looking emotional.**

            “Who’s that?” Sasha asked.

            “Doesn’t look like anyone we’ve seen,” Hange frowned.

            **“It’s been 84 years,” she said emotionally, voice hoarse.**

            “Hah?” Hange asked. “The future, again?”

            **A heavenly voice began singing as Pastor Nick threw his arms out, leaning over the side of the wall, Hange gripping his collar. The words _snk is back_ were layered over the scene.**

            The Scouts frowned.

            “What?”

            “I’m confused.”

            “Hi, Confused, I’m Connie!”

            “Shut up, cueball.”

            **Television bars flashed on screen. _Bring the crack on_.**

            “Why do I get a sense of foreboding from this?”

            **“Or does this mean. . ?” Hange’s eyes were wide. A hand slammed down on her shoulder, and she gasped, starting.**

            **“Who do you think the enemy is?” Erwin leaned over Eren’s shoulder, speaking seriously as the younger Scout stared at him. An airhorn blew as the image spun, a troll face bursting forth.**

            “Excuse me, _what_?”

            “I don’t remember it happening like this. . .”

            Connie groaned, putting his head in his hands. “I’m not smart enough for his, damnit!”

            **“ _Baby yeah tomorrow_.” The three Abnormals from Ragako burst into movement, charging forwards, moving ridiculously as rainbows flashed on screen, the image pulsing to the beat of the music.**

            The confusion rose.

            “My head hurts,” Sasha whimpered, closing her eyes, the bright colors and flashing lights mixing unpleasantly with the loud music.

            **“ _There’s a trash can in the bathroom_ ,” Bob offered helpfully.**

            Sasha ran into the other room, and the other Scouts turned their attention back to the TV, trying to ignore the splattering sounds coming from the bathroom.

            **Erwin stood in his study, facing the window as jazzy music began to play and a pink, glittery hue overtook the scene. “ _Do ya believe in miracles~?_ ” He turned, seeing Levi standing against the door. “ _Where ya from~?”_ The camera focused on Erwin’s eye, bright with intensity.**

            The confusion levels grew even higher.

            **“ _You sexy babe~_ ” The camera focused on Levi’s face, a news banner at the bottom of the screen reading: “ _Breaking News: Sexy Man Becomes Sexier_.”**

            Petra spewed a mist of tea as Eren and Jean panicked over Hange, who had began hacking violently, face turning puce.

            Historia choked on a bite of pie. “ _What?_ ”

            “Oh, my god,” Connie wheezed, sliding down the couch.

            Levi, meanwhile, was administrating CPR on Erwin, who seemed to have suddenly lost the will to breathe.

            **Eren fell through the air, tears flowing from his eyes. A note in the top left-hand corner of the screen read: * _dramatically shedding gay tears_ ***

            The panic, which still hadn’t quite died down from the previous scene, restarted. Jean lost it and began screaming, grabbing at his hair, and Ymir began laughing, falling off the couch.

            “Wha – but – I’m not gay!” Eren spluttered, turning red.

            “No, you’re Titan-killing-sexual,” Ymir snorted from the ground.

            “Fair.”

            “I don’t think we’re meant to take this seriously,” Erwin said thoughtfully, face still a bit pink from his recent brush with asphyxiation, Levi still clinging onto his torso for some reason. “Perhaps it’s Bob’s way of trying to lighten the mood.”

            **“ _Or to expose my OTP_ ,” Bob said.**

            “What?”

            **Bob whistled innocently.**

            **“Hey,” Ymir spoke, a croaky voice not belonging to her coming from her mouth. “You know who’s gay?”**

            “I don’t sound like that!” Ymir said indignantly.

            “It’s humour, grandma, humour!”  
            “I’ll show you humour, Horseface!”

            **A wedding march began playing as Historia stared up at her, eyes wide.**

            **“Us!” Ymir dropped herself on Historia’s head.**

            Historia turned red, sinking lower into the couch as Ymir snorted in amusement.

            “When’s the wedding?” Connie elbowed her, grinning.

            “Can I be the flower girl?” Sasha chuckled.

            “Can I be the maid of honor?” Mikasa couldn’t help but smile.

            “Can I be the best woman?” Petra grinned.

            “Can I be the ring bearer?” Hange beamed.

            Historia was red as a tomato with embarrassment, and she squeaked, changing into a shade reminiscent of an overripe cherry as Ymir pecked her on the cheek.

            A chorus of ‘aaw’s followed.

            **Dan and Phil danced to the beginning of _Shinzo wo Sasageyo_ , Dan labelled as _me_ and Phil as _my friends_.**

            “Isn’t that the Season 2 opening?”

            **The music picked up and Dan began dancing erratically, Phi raising his hands, looking at the camera.**

            “Very accurate.”

            “It is?”

            “You nearly hit me in the face one time, cueball!”

            **“ _Sasageyo, sasageyo!_ ” Rigby held a radio over his head, face set with determination.**

“Woah!”

            “What’s that?”

            “A bipedal raccoon?”

            “You’re the only one who knows what that means, Armin.”

**“ _Shinzo wo sasageyo_.” Mordecai covered his ears with his pillow.**

            “Hey, look, it’s Connie!”  
            **Images of Levi from the manga appeared, people laughing in the background.**

            Petra spewed her tea for the second time in two minutes, and Jean stuffed a fist in his mouth, shaking from holding back his laughter.

            “Is that the Captain?” Eren was torn between laughing and being horrified.

            “I look like a frog!” Levi spat indignantly.

            **Clips of Levi from the anime appeared. “Huh?” Levi sat in the wagon, an arm resting on the side. “ _Aaaaaahh!_ ” Levi sat in Erwin’s room, arm on the back of the chair. “ _OH NO, HE’S HOT!_ ”**

            Hange clapped a napkin over Petra’s mouth before she could spew her tea again.

            “Understandable,” Sasha muttered over her drumstick.

            Erwin’s cheeks were tinted a slight pink.

            **“Dat ass.” A Titan fell to the ground, crushing a fence, and the camera zoomed in on its rear. “Dat _aaaaaaaassssss_.”**

            Everybody groaned.

            “Ass jokes, really?”

            “I still think Eren has the best Titan ass.”

            “I’m leaving.”

            “. . .”

            “The door’s locked.”

            **“ _When he looks at me_ ,” the camera focused on Levi before bouncing back, shaking to the sound of a heartbeat. “ _And I look at him_.” The camera shook to another beat as Erwin looked over his shoulder. “ _And he looks at me!_ ” Levi stared at Erwin.**

            **“Just fuck already!” the Scout reading the report voiced.**

            Levi was the one who spewed his tea this time. Petra smacked him hard on the back.

            “I second that!” Hange beamed. The younger Scouts all looked horrified, faces varying between shades of red, white, and blue.

            “Connie, you have blueberry jam on your face.”

            Levi and Erwin were determinedly looking in opposite directions, faces burning scarlet.

            “Aww, you two are so cute –!”

            Levi kicked her off the couch.

            **Dramatic music played as Mikasa stared through the gaps between Reiner’s fingers at a sweating, panicky Bertolt, Eren strapped to his back.**

“Relatable.”

            **“Eren,” Mikasa wrapped a cloak around a grumpy-looking Eren. “Wear it right. It’s cold at night,”  
            _Get away from my boyfriend!_ The camera shook as Armin glared.**

Armin turned scarlet, mouth dropping with horror as everybody roared with laughter.

            “Not true!” Eren squawked. “It’s a lie!”

            A genius idea slapped Armin on the head. “Eruri!” he suddenly shouted, pointing at Erwin and Levi. Everybody instantly began cooing at them again, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

            Then Levi glared at him and Armin was struck with the sudden feeling he’d just signed up for a slow, painful death.

            **“ _I can show you the world_ ~” Ymir and Historia stared into each other’s eyes, Ymir’s hands on Historia’s shoulders, as they stood on the snowy mountain, a rainbow passing behind them, emblazoned with the words _we’re gay_.**

            “ _Shining, shimmering splendid!_ ” Ymir and Connie finished the lyrics. Historia blushed.

            **“ _I’ve got my eyes on you_ ~” The Wall Titan’s eye shifted down.**

            “Yeah, we know.”

            **Bouncy music began playing as the words _snk in a nutshell_ appeared on screen. Eren gasped, turning. “We’ve got to go!”**

            “Hey, more stuff from the main episodes!”

            **“Calm down, Eren,” Levi said.**

            **SRSLY CALM THE FUCK DOWN.**

            “Preach!” Ymir raised Connie into the air, Lion King-style.

            **The Marco song began playing as scenes of Marco were shown. A crying Pepe appeared for a brief moment, captioned _u will be missed_.**

            Everybody was too confused to be sad (except for Jean, who shed a quiet tear).

            **“I’m shocked,” Ymir smirked. “I was under the impression that you weren’t interested in women.”**

            **“Yeah,” Reiner smiled. “And it doesn’t seem like you have any interest in guys, either.”**

            “Calling it,” Connie said. “Bob’s going to be making another gay joke.”

            **The video fizzled to a stop. _Wait, what?_**

            **“ _Everyone~_ ,” two people decked out in rainbows stood on stage with a group of other people as they sang. “ _Is just a little gay~!_ ” They waved their arms, images of Bertolt and Reiner and Ymir and Historia appearing, * _accurate translation_ * captioned in the corner of the screen.**

            Everybody burst into laughter, momentarily forgetting the situations of the first couple.

            “Wait, Bertl and Reiner –” Jean had a shocked look on his face.

            “You didn’t know?” Eren seemed genuinely shocked.

            “I have other things on my mind!”  
            “Just because _your_ boyfriend needs you to be his other half –”

            Erwin quickly restarted the video before Jean could punch the Shifter.

            **An MP screamed as a Titan lifted him almost lovingly off his horse, chewing on his torso. “ _What the fuck~?”_ The horse turned, staring at the camera. _what? wtf was dat?_**

“I have decided,” Connie said seriously, fingers interlocked. “The horses know! They must! It even stared directly at the camera!”

            “Jean!” Eren grasped his chest. “How could you? Holding back all of this information when it could have helped humanity!”

            “Fuck off, you little shit!”

            “Traitor!” Eren screamed, trying to leap over Mikasa. “I’ll kill you!”

            “Oh, my god,” Sasha groaned. “He actually believes it.”

            **Eren’s Titan knelt over the Armored Titan, jaw steaming as a beat played in the background. Chunks of the armor flew into the air as Eren held Reiner in a headlock.**

A few people cheered.

            **There was a grunt. “ _Oh, yeah._ ” Eren pulled harder, blood spurting out from between the cracked plating. “ _Oh, yeah!_ ” The Hange Squad watched in shock, a hand moving to cover Hange’s eyes, the caption _and like that, everybody, is how babies r made_ appeared, before flashing to the Goggled Soldier, his glasses filling in the Os in _shook_.**

Eren turned bright red as everybody else roared with laughter (Petra searched frantically for an AED as Levi gave Hange CPR, complaining about having to do it again for the second time in five minutes).

            “Eren!” Mikasa panicked. “You’re steaming!”

            “Oh, good,” Levi looked up as Petra turned on the defibrillator. “We can make more tea.”

            **“Move out!” Erwin turned his horse as he began riding, hair blowing in the wind.**

**“Yes, sir!”**

**“ _I’ve got my eyes on you~_ ” The camera zoomed in on Levi, kawaii blushes appearing on his cheeks.**

A few brave souls ‘aawed’, and Levi’s gaze darkened, glowering at the TV with killing intent.

            Smirking faintly, Erwin leaned over, pecking Levi lightly on top of his head (that being the lowest he could reach, with him being at least half a foot taller than Levi even when they were sitting).

            Petra and Hange spent the next ten minutes digging Erwin out from the crater in the wall while the younger Scouts sat as still as they could, biting their lips and shaking with the effort of holding back their laughter, looking anywhere but at Levi, who looked all too eager to slam somebody else into the wall.

            **_Gotta marry her_ , Reiner thought, expression serious.**

**“BRUH.” Bertolt stared at the scene.**

“Oh, no!” Historia said. “I hope I wasn’t causing any trouble with them. . . I was just trying to help, really!”

            “Historia, they’re enemy warriors from a country that hates our guts, and have killed a third of our island’s population. I think their relationship is the least of our problems right now.”

            **“ _I’m walking on sunshine~_ ” Reiner ran into the distance, Ymir on one shoulder, Bertolt and Eren on the other. “ _Woah~!_ ” He continued running, silhouetted cinematically against the setting sun as the Scouts flew after them. “ _I’m walking on sunshine~_ ”**

“What are we doing with our lives?” Jean asked, completely exhausted.

            **The Beast Titan running with the other animals in the third opening was shown. “ _Nae nalkeun gitareul deureo_ ~” The camera zoomed in on the whale, and a still from the _Sing for You_ music video was shown.**

            “What?”

            “Ooh, K-Pop!”

            “Connie, sometimes I wonder about you.”

            **“ _Guess who’s back~_ ” Eren and Mikasa looked up, and Eren’s eyes widened in horror. “ _Back again_ ~” _no it can’t be_. “ _Shady’s back_ ~” The Smiling Titan walked towards them, and the camera moved to its face. “ _Tell a friend_ ~” _hello bitches_. “ _Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back_ ~”**

            “What is Bob doing?” Eren burst out, scowling. “We could be learning things, important things, right now! Why waste our time with this crap?”

            **“Fortunately, the Wall wasn’t broken or anything.” Ymir and Eren sat on a branch, watching Reiner as he spoke. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “So I think we deserve to take a break for once.”**

**_volume warning_**

“Volume warning?” Connie asked, oblivious to everybody else slamming their hands over their ears. “What does that mean –?”

            **“ _Hello from the other side_ ~” The camera zoomed in on Bertolt’s devastated face, an exaggerated teardrop on his cheek, rain pouring down over the scene.**

            Connie squawked, grabbing his ears, while everybody else laughed.

            **“ _Gonna let that sunlight in_ ~” Armin stood in the wagon, turning his head as his hair flowed in the breeze. “ _I wanna_ ~” A Pantene logo appeared in the top right-hand corner, and bottles of conditioner in the lower left.**

            Armin turned red, burying his head in his hands.

            “Jeez, this is _really_ soft,” Jean’s jaw was slack as he rubbed a strand of golden hair between his fingers.

            “All the guys have got great hair,” Hange sighed, one hand twirling a lock of Levi’s hair, and another patting Erwin’s. “Wasted on men. . .”

            She screamed as Levi hefted her over his shoulder and javelined her across the room.

            **Eren and Mikasa sat in the fields, Scouts fighting the Titans behind them as clarinet music played. Mikasa leaned closer, hand on her scarf, tears rolling down her face, cheeks pink. Eren’s eyes were wide, tears on his own face.**

            Mikas’s gaze darkened as she glared at her couchmates, daring them to say anything.

            **_wtf, is she gonna kiss him?_ The music screeched to a halt, and Eren grit his teeth, standing up to face the Smiling Titan, the image spinning. “ _Yo~!_ ” Mikasa stared up at him. _rejected_.**

            Connie shoved his fist into his mouth, shaking with laughter.

            **“Ymir!” The Jaw Titan turned, holding onto the side of a tree. “ _Vincerá!_ ”**

            **“Thank goodness!” Historia cried, flying towards her. “You’re alright!”**

            **Ymir launched herself forwards. “ _Vincero!_ ” Historia’s eyes widened as Ymir grabbed her in her mouth.**

            **“That little bitch,” a woman said scathingly, and she and another man high-fived.**

            Connie snickered, and Sasha began laughing. Ymir bonked them both on the head.

            **“Oh, Eren?” Reiner looked down at Eren. “You’re awake?”**

            **“No, bitch,” an automated voice said. “I was actually sleeping with my eyes open, because I have nothing better to do. This is my fucking hobby. Like Picollo. I’m a fucking alien who sleeps while staring into your fucking soul, you bastard.”**

            “Imagine if you’d actually said that!” Ymir laughed.

            “I give up,” the other Shifter groaned.

            **“Eren!” Eren’s Titan turned as Armin shouted. “Can you hear me?”**

            **“ _Can you hear my heart beat~?_ ”**

            **_u will never scape yaoi_.**

            “What’s yaoi?” Connie asked.

            Petra and Erwin both covered Levi’s mouth before he could say anything.

            **“ _We’ve watched him whip_ ,” Erwin charged forwards, sword out. “ _We’ve watched him nae-nae_.” A Titan bit down on his arm, and Erwin was pulled back, blood spraying from his shoulder, the scene turning black and white. “ _Now he’s whipping in heaven_ ~”**

**_ASKDHGFLIS I’M SORRY._**

“She should be,” Erwin grumbled.

            “What the hell is a nae-nae?” Jean asked.

            **“Don’t ask,” Bob said. Her voice took on a haunted tone. “The horrors of 2015. . .”**

Everybody frowned, confused.

            **“Commander Erwin!” The Titan ran off, Erwin still hanging from its mouth. _lmao me_.**

“I’m still not getting the ‘humour’ aspect of this.” Hange was looking less delighted.

            “Maybe it’s funny for her,” Historia suggested.

            “Well, then, she’s got a pretty warped sense of humor.”

            **Ymir shouted, stabbing through her hand, blood spraying her face. A guy clapped, mouth wide open. There was a burst of yellow lightning, and Ymir began engulfed in a ball of light. The guy’s eyes widened, mouth getting wider, as the Jaw Titan appeared with a roar.**

“Honestly, me,” Connie laughed.

            **Blood splattered on the ground. “What’s wrong?!” Eren shouted, tearing a chunk of flesh from his hand.**

A few people winced.

**“Stop it,” a man said. “Get some help.”**

“We’ve been saying it for three years,” Sasha sighed.

            “Like he’s gonna listen,” Jean grumbled.

            **A Titan lounged on the ground of the Forest of Giant Trees, staring up at the Scouts. “ _I’ve got my eyes on you_ ~”**

            “Creeps,” Ymir grumbled.

            “Didn’t you use to be one?”

            “I’m going to shove my foot so high up your ass your grandkids’ll feel it.”

            **Romantic music began playing, the scene covered with a pink hue, as Sasha’s eyes widened, face breaking into a grin as she stared at the potato in her hands.**

            **“Die, potato!” She took a bite out of it, grinning blissfully.**

**_name a more tragic lovestory i’ll wait_.**

            Erwin paused the video, allowing them a few moments of raucous laugher (and burning red embarrassment for Sasha).

            “Like you’ve never done stupid things before!” she protested.

            **“Notice me, senpai!” A Titan stood, peering out from behind a tree. “Please, notice me senpai!”**

            “Oh, Reiner-senpai!” Connie mimicked, placing his hands on his cheeks. “I wish I could break down walls just like him?”  
            “Connie, are you okay?”

            **Eren screamed, punching the Smiling Titan in the palm. There was a loud explosion as it went up in flames. _NAILED IT!_**

            More appreciative claps. Eren beamed smugly.

            **Erwin’s eyes were wide, smiling as he stared at nothing in particular. “ _Do you ever look at someone and wonder, what is going on inside their head?_ ” The camera zoomed in on his forehead.**

            **Levi smacked his ass as music played, Erwin and the recruits watching. He squatted a few times, still smacking his ass, hips moving to the beat.**

            Levi choked, spitting out a bite of an apple. Jean screamed, covering his eyes, and Ymir slammed her hand over Historia’s. Armin turned a bright red, turning to bury his face in Mikasa’s scarf, and Hange screeched with laughter, patting a horrified Petra on the shoulder. Eren whistled quietly, sinking into the couch, and Erwin’s face turned red.

            **“Might wanna start running, Commander,” Bob advised.**

            **The music screeched to a stop. “Hey,” Levi’s eyes were wide. “What the hell are you smiling for?”**

**“ _Oh shit!_ ” Erwin looked up before quickly glancing back down. “It’s nothing.”**

            “Best liar 850,” Jean muttered.

            **“I’m the Armored Titan, and he’s the Colossal Titan,” Reiner said. Crowds of people facepalmed.**

            “The reactions are so accurate,” Hange sighed.

            **“ _Oh no, not I_ ~” Mike screamed as the Titans tore him apart. “ _I will survive~_ ” He kicked his legs, still screaming. “ _Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive_ ~” Nanaba screamed as she was torn from limb to limb, screaming. “ _I’ve got all my life to live, and I’ve got all my love to give, and I’ll survive_ ~” The Smiling Titan lifted Hannes into its mouth. _bitch u thought_. “ _I will survive!_ ” It bit into him.**

            More than one person was horrorstruck.

            “How macabre,” Hange muttered.

            **“ _I have been blessed~_ ” Ymir knelt in the desert, eyes wide as she stared up at the moon, tears in her eyes. “ _God’s so good to me_ ~”**

            “She is,” Ymir cooed, wrapping her arms around Historia.

            “Get a room!” Jean shouted.

            **“One day, we’ll break it down,” Erwin vowed as motivational music began playing. “This wall hiding the truth. . .”**

            **“Oh my god!” A shirtless man sobbed as the motivational music continued playing.**

**_manga readers will understand_.**

            Everybody frowned, the cheerful mood vanishing.

            “What does she mean?” Petra asked. Armin thought back to the scene of Levi, Eren, and Mikasa on the rooftop, and a chill ran down his spine.

            “What’s manga?” Sasha asked.

            “Japanese comic books,” Connie replied.

            “The strangest things come out of your mouth sometimes, Connie,” Jean sighed.

            **The camera zoomed in on the Beast Titan, sitting on the Wall, a grin on his face. Zeke stood on its shoulder, adjusting his glasses. “Not yet, eh?”**

            **A man got out of his car, pointing up at the camera as it followed him. “I’m gonna come up there, and I’m gonna shove that thing up your fucking ass.”**

            “Amen!” Jean raised a glass. “Chill, Commander, it’s just juice!”

            **Sasha flopped down, head resting on the side of the music. A foreboding tone played as the release date for Attack on Titan Season 3 appeared on screen. She gasped, sitting up and whirling around, the camera zooming in on her face as her eyes widened.**

            More than a few people tensed.

            **Cheerful music played as Armin sat, backed against a tree, labelled _me_ , Jean, labelled _my hopes and dreams_ , unconscious in his arms, waving his sword at an approaching Titan, labelled _anxiety and depression_.**

            Erwin frowned thoughtfully. _I wonder, do many Scouts suffer from mental health issues?_ Looking at it, he felt like hitting himself. _Of course they do! They face death every day!_ He immediately resolved to find an on-site counsellor the next chance he got. He had a feeling they’d be very busy.

            **“ _Baby, are you okay~?_ ” The camera zoomed in on Annie, trapped in her crystal shell. “ _Are you okay? Are you okay~?_ ”**

            “I don’t know why she even bothers asking,” Eren grumbles.

            “Well, that was weird,” Connie declared. Everybody agreed.


	4. Best Skit: Master’s Division (San Japan Dance Skit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which sexy dancing occurs and Ackerasses are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The god-tier dance video can be found down below, at the 24:59 timestamp :)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHPVSWo-te4

**The recruits stretched in the courtyard.**

            “Hm?”

            “What is this?”

            “More crack?”

            **Jean pulled his arm across his front, and smacked Eren in the face. “Ow!” Eren cried.**

            “Do any of you remember this happening?” Erwin asked.

            “Pick a day, any day,” Ymir replied dully.

            **“Oh,” Jean smirked, flexing his arm. “I didn’t see you over my toned body.”**

            Snickers flooded the room. “What’s this?” Sasha and Connie grinned devilishly. Jean turned red, burying his face in his hands.

            **“You saw me from a mile away, Horseface,” Eren gestured at his own face, scoffing.**

            **“What did you call me?!”**

            **“You heard me!”**

            “What’s with the arm gestures?” Hange snorted.

            “That’s the worst chest-bump I’ve ever seen,” Levi sneered.

            **“Man,” Mikasa sighed. “They’re always fighting.”  
            “It’s like this all the time,” Armin said.**

            “And that, dear veterans, is all you need to know,” Sasha said.

            **“Come on,” Connie grinned. “They’re only like this _half_ the time.”**

            “Foolish optimism,” Ymir sighed.

            **“Hey,” Levi stormed into the courtyard, and they quickly saluted. “If you two have enough energy to fight, then go run five laps.”**

            “See what you did, Jaeger?”  
            “Me? That was all on you, Horseface!”

            “Say what?!”

            “You heard me!”

            “I’m starting to get what you’re saying,” Petra told Sasha.

            **“Five laps is nothing,” Jean smirked.**

            Jean turned red, sinking into his couch.

            “Oh, yeah?” Levi challenged. “Feeling up to a race once we leave, Kirschtein?”

            Jean whimpered.

            **“Oh, really?” Levi approached Jean, pressing his face close to his, putting his hands on his hips. “Then how about I teach you all my highly intensive Titan combat regiment?”**

            “What. Is. Personal. Space?” Jean groaned.

            “The Scouting Legion clearly doesn’t know,” Ymir replied.

            “Is this just going to be a training episode, then?” Armin wondered.

            **“Wh – What does that entail?” Armin asked nervously.**

            A few people leaned forwards in anticipation.

            _Training with Humanity’s Strongest_. Jean couldn’t help but feel excited. _Is that what this video’s going to be about?_

            **“Let’s just say,” Levi stepped closer to Armin, who leaned back with a nervous gulp. “That you’ll wish you never joined the Survey Corps.”**

            A few people gulped.

            **“Everybody, listen up!” Levi marched to the front of the courtyard, standing in front of them. “Stand with your legs apart, and lower your centre of gravity.” Everybody dropped down a bit. “Now, clutch your hand as if you were holding your sword, and whip your arm out.” Levi whipped, while the recruits, sans Mikasa, followed, looking confused.**

            Hange burst out laughing, and Petra covered her eyes in shame.

            “Oh, my god,” Ymir looked horrorstruck.

            **“I think I’ve seen that somewhere before,” Sasha said.**

            **“That’s a dance move,” Mikasa said.**

            “It’s an out-of-date, no-longer-trending, _lame_ dance move,” Hange corrected.

            “The whip cannot be made any more perfect,” Levi crossed his arms stubbornly.

            **“Hey, man,” Jean said. “I don’t dance!”**

            “Did you just say _man_?” Sasha snorted.

            “You’re right, tiny old man would make more sense.”

            Jean spent the remainder of the video nursing his bloody nose.

            **“This is most definitely not dancing,” Levi held his hands up, gesturing seriously. “Stop complaining and pay attention.” He began doing the sprinkler.**

            Even Historia screeched, turning away from the video, avoiding it like a vampire from sunlight.

            **“What – the sprinkler?!” The recruits’ reactions on-screen perfectly matched their off-screen counterparts. Armin covered his eyes, shaking a hand at Levi.**

            **“Wait –”**

            **“Ugh –”**

            **“Come on!”**

            **“Captain Levi –!”**

            **“Practice these moves, or no dinner!” Levi snapped. They gasped, Sasha covering her mouth in horror.**

            “Sasha, no!” Connie shouted.

            “Resist it!”

            “The power of the dinner. . . it’s too strong!”

            “What the hell is wrong with _them_?” Levi asked Hange in an undertone. She just shook her head at him, looking pained.

            “Levi. . . you’ve traversed into the depths of the dead memes. I can’t even _look_ at you anymore.” He spluttered in indignation.

            **Funky music began playing as they all started dancing. Mikasa started, grabbing Armin as he began whipping.**

            “We all need a Mikasa,” Sasha sighed.

            “Why did you save Armin, not me?!” Eren protested.

            “You were too deep, Eren. . . I’m sorry.”

            “It’s dancing, not an expedition!” Levi snapped.

            “Where’s the music coming from?” the ever-sensible Petra asked.

            **“Levi!” Hange ran on-screen, grabbing Levi’s shoulder as the music stopped.**

            “Praise Hange!” Connie cried.

            **“What are you teaching these kids? This is _not_ how you dance!”**

            “Never mind.”

            **“This isn’t dancing, Hange, this is their training!”**

            “Sure, Captain. Whatever you say.”

            **“If you guys want to see some real dance moves, follow me,” Hange said, pushing the short man out of the way.**

The recruits groaned along with their on-screen selves.

**“I don’t dance!” Jean protested.**

**“And if you don’t,” Hange grinned, raising a finger. “I’ll dissect you and feed you to the Titans!”**

“Good argument.”

“Thank you, Petra!”

**Music began playing. “No, no, you too!” Hange grabbed Levi’s elbow, dragging him back.**

**“Really?”**

More than a few people bit back witty remarks.

**“ _Stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop talking to me_ ~” Hange began dancing, everybody watching her. She gestured, and Sasha, Connie, and Jean joined in, sighing.**

“What was that about not dancing, Horseface?”

“You’re dancing too, Chrome Dome.”

**“Stop, _don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop giving me things~_ ” Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and Levi joined in. “ _Stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop laughing ‘bout it, stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, I said~!_ ”**

            “This is the weirdest song I’ve ever heard,” Levi decided.

            “We’re actually pretty good at dancing, huh?” Eren crossed his arms.

            **They all moved to the side, leaving Eren in the middle, gesturing wildly. “ _I can’t take another minute~_ ” He dropped to his knees. “ _I can’t take the look she’s giving_ ~” He looked up as Levi walked over, hands on his hips, staring down at the younger boy. “ _One in a million_ ~” Levi kicked Eren in the side, knocking him to the ground. “ _My lucky strike_ ~”**

            “Such a drama queen,” Jean sighed.

            “Eren, or the Captain?”

            “Take your pick.”

            **“ _Oh, my lucky strike_ ~” Levi gestured, and they all moved into formation, butt-kicking. “ _Oh, my lucky strike~_ ” They placed their hands on each other’s shoulders, moving side-to side. “ _Your body rocking, keep me up all night~_ ”**

            “Who’s keeping you up at night, Eren?” Mikasa asked dangerously.

            “Run, Eren!” Sasha cried.

            **“ _Oh, one in a million~_ ” They saluted. “ _My lucky strike~_ ”**

            Sasha and Connie saluted, too.

            “You don’t have to do that, you know. . .” Armin began.

            “We liked it!”

            **The recruits collapsed.**

            “What kind of shit stamina is that?” Levi demanded.

            **“Wait, we’re not done yet!” Hange said.**

            **“You are all weak,” Levi stepped forwards, snapping his jacket and crossing his arms. “And you call yourself soldiers?”  
**            “I haven’t had to dance since the cadet ball. . .”

            “That was a hell of a night.”

            “I almost died.”

            “Ten coin that Mikasa’s going to do something.”  
            **“ _Driver roll up this partition, please_ ~” Mikasa stood, bending up.**

            “Oh, my god,” Ymir choked. “You just shoved your ass in Jean’s face.”

            “I’m dead,” Connie croaked out.

            “Is Sasha trying to get Hange to help her up?” Petra giggled.

            **“ _I don’t need you seeing ‘Yoncé on her knees_ ~” Levi walked over, looking her up and down as she danced.**

“Jean, stop telling Connie about Mikasa’s ass.”

            “I think he’s traumatized.”

**“ _Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up_ ~” Mikasa and Levi both dropped, wiggling their hips.**

            More than a few people screeched.

            “Holy shit!” Ymir gasped.

            “Are you pointing at my ass?!” Levi glared daggers at Eren. He shrank.

            “It’s a nice ass. . ?” Both Levi and Mikasa looked murderous.

            “Can’t blame him, Levi,” Hange said. “It _is_ a nice ass.”  
            “It’s true,” Erwin said. Petra smiled sheepishly, but shrugged as Levi looked at her.

            “Glare all you want, Captain, I can’t change a fact.”

            **“ _Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel~_ ” Mikasa began dancing, then gave Levi a challenging look. “ _Oh baby, baby we slow it down~_ ” Levi smirked, then responded with his own.**

            “The Ackerman’s hips don’t lie!” Connie wheezed.

            **“ _Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up_ ~” Mikasa and Levi began dancing together. “ _We ain’t even gonna make it to this club~_ ” The Scouts paired up, lacing their fingers with their partners. Jean ran towards Mikasa, arms out, and she ducked out of the way, leaving the ash-haired boy to run into Connie.**

            A few people snickered, but most were still staring at the TV in a daze, recovering from the perfection that was the Ackerman Dance, as it was known from then on.

            **Jean and Connie glanced at the camera, shrugged, and began dancing with everyone else. “ _Loosen up your body ‘til you come undone. Loosen up your body baby, come undone~_ ” Jean dipped back, placing a hand on his forehead.**

            “Your Majesty,” Ymir said mockingly. Jean threw a grape at her.

            **“ _Loosen up your body ‘til you come undone. Loosen up your body baby, come undone~_ ” They moved back into a line.**

            **“ _Whatcha gon’~”_ Levi and Eren slid to the side. “ _Whatcha gon’~_ ” Mikasa and Armin slid after them, and Connie and Jean crossed their arms. “ _Do with that dessert?_ ” Sasha turned around, beaming, hands on her cheeks, and Hange held up a giant cupcake cardboard cutout.**

            Everybody burst into laughter.

            “Where do you even get that?” Petra laughed.

            “There are many things to be found in Headquarters, if one so chooses to look.”

            “Like a beer keg,” Levi supplied.

            “And, I am now officially creeped out,” Ymir muttered.

            **Sasha, Mikasa, and Armin moved to the front while the boys moved to the back, and they turned, shaking their booties while Hange paraded around behind them, holding the cupcake over her head.**

            “Jean! Breathe!” Armin cried as Jean wheezed, sliding off the couch.

            **They all moved back into formation. “ _Murder that, murder that dancefloor, dancefloor_ ~”**

            “I think it died a long time ago.”

            **Levi dabbed, and the others followed suit. “ _Here comes hot stepper, murderer~_ ” Levi whipped, then began dancing with the others. “ _I’m the lyrical gangster, murderer. Excuse me mister officer, murderer~_ ” They moved into two lines, Levi at the very back. “ _Still love you like that, murderer~_ ”**

            “These are the weirdest lyrics ever,” Ymir muttered.

            **The Scouts, sans Levi and Eren, moved back, dragging strings with them, making a web between them as a beat began.**

            “Cool!”

            **Levi stood at the back, facing away from the camera, Eren standing back-to-shoulders with him. He began making his way through the strings as the beat picked up. He stood at the front while the others got into position, dropping the strings. “ _Trouble!_ ”**

            “Excuse me?”

            **“ _I don’t look for trouble, but trouble looks for me. And it’s been peeking around corners since I was seventeen~_ ” Everyone but Eren turned, then yanked their jackets down over their shoulders.**

            Wolf-whistles and screams filled the room.

            **They continued dancing. “ _They say, here comes a hurricane, trouble is her middle name, but I don’t look for trouble, trouble looks for me, hey, hey!_ ” They all posed, breathing heavily.**

            Everybody in the room cheered, roaring.

            **“Alright,” Levi said. “Now go run five laps.”**

            The cheering screeched to a halt.

            “Killjoy,” Hange pouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I will be writing the suggested chapters soon! If you have your own suggestions/requests, feel free to leave them :)


	5. I Am Damaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Heathers is observed a bit too literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a different one. . . I just realized that I haven't updated this for a freakish amount of time and that 3B's coming out in two weeks (*hyperventilates*).
> 
> Also, I'm unhealthily obsessed with Heathers anyways, so who cares.

**“ _Another song!_ ” Bob declared. “ _Well, sort of. Something a bit different, this time. Consider it a look into what might have been, had only one thing gone differently. . ._ ”**

Everybody straightened.

            “Maybe she’s going to show us what the world would be like without the Titans!” Eren gasped. “And how we could fit in in it!”

            Everybody found themselves thinking about their lives in a world without Titans. Sasha chuckled, envisioning her leading Connie through the woods, teaching him to hunt, and Armin smiled, thinking about surfing on the sea.

            **“ _Alright, here we go_ ,” Bob said, sounding somewhat grim. “ _Don’t get your hopes up, though_.”**

Everybody’s fantasies shattered.

            “Huh?” Levi frowned.

            **Wind whistled as the camera looked over the top of the Wall, into the open lands beyond.**

            _We still haven’t been there_ , Eren realized suddenly. _But we’ll get there. We_ have _to_.

            **The camera focused on splatters of blood and a limp hand.**

Everybody froze.

            “What the hell?” Jean was pale.

            “What might have been. . .” Armin muttered. “Bob must be showing us what could have happened if something in _our_ pasts had been changed. Something that led to –”

            “Death,” Mikasa finished, looking grim.

            **Levi and Erwin stood, facing each other down, surrounded by bodies. Erwin was holding out his hands, and Levi holding out a bloody sword.**

“Oh, my god,” Petra was pale.

            “Do you think. . ?” Sasha didn’t finish the question, but everybody suddenly found themselves staring at Levi, who looked just as shocked as the others.

            “The 23rd mission?” Jean’s eyes widened.

            **“I know!” Erwin said. There was a splash of blood on his face, and his lip was bleeding. “Nobody deserves this – to be torn apart for no reason. But that’s why we _have_ to do it. So that nobody else ever needs to suffer this fate.”**

**Levi took a step closer. “Don’t act like some great hero,” he spat. “I saw you – you were _smiling_. You don’t care about their lives, they’re just pawns in your game!”**

Everybody’s hearts were pounding, afraid to say anything.

            _What changed?_ Armin thought. _I know it doesn’t really matter, but still. . . what?_

            “This isn’t after the 23rd mission,” Hange said. “Look at Levi’s jacket – he’s already got rank.”

            Everybody looked. “Hey, he does,” Jean said.

            “Maybe,” Armin said. “Maybe this is another way Levi could have reacted to finding out about the Commander’s own ambitions.” Everybody glanced at the two officers, who both looked uncomfortable.

            **Erwin’s eyes narrowed, and his hands dropped. “What are you going to do, then? Kill me? Take vengeance for your friends, for the soldiers I’ve led to their deaths? That I’ve killed?”**

More than a few people gasped, and everyone stiffened.

            _Don’t do it!_ Levi watched his on-screen self – young, naïve idiot. _Don’t do it, damnit!_

            **Levi’s expression suddenly changed. He lowered his sword, looking at the slaughtered bodies of the Scouts around him. “No,” he said quietly, sheathing his blades. “You didn’t kill them.” He reached up. “I did.” His ODM fell to the ground.**

Hange suddenly gasped, eyes widening. “Wait –”

            **Levi kicked the gear, and it fell over the side of the Wall, crashing to the ground. Erwin’s eyes widened.**

“Shit, no!” Jean hissed.

            “At least this isn’t real.” Despite her words, Sasha was shaking as well.

            **“Levi –” Erwin began.**

**Music began playing. “ _I am damaged_ ,” Levi took a step back. “ _Far too damaged_.” He looked up at Erwin. “ _But you’re not beyond repair_.” He moved back another step. “ _Stick around here, make things better,_ ” He smiled grimly. “ _‘Cause you beat me fair and square_.”**

“Shit, shit, shit!” Hange tugged her hair irritably. “Why do we have to watch this? It doesn’t matter!”

            **“ _Please stand back now_ ,” Erwin’s eyes widened, and he took a small step back. “ _Little further_.” Erwin moved back another step. “ _Don’t know what this thing will do_.”**

“What are you doing?” Ymir demanded. “Grab him!”

            “It’s no use,” Petra sighed. “This didn’t even happen.”

            “Bob’s just playing a sick joke on us,” Eren growled.

            **“ _Hope you’ll miss me, don’t dismiss me, you should know I worship you_.”  A tear traced down Levi’s cheek, and he chuckled mirthlessly. “ _I’ll trade my life for yours –_ "**

**“ _Oh my god_ ,” Erwin’s eyes widened.**

“ _You just realized?!_ ”

            **“ _And once I disappear_ –” Levi held his arms out.**

**“ _Wait, hold on –_ ”**

“Shit!” Levi snarled, running a hand through his hair. “This is dumb.”

            **“ _Clean up the mess down there_ –”**

**“ _Not this way –!_ ”**

“Leave it to Captain to worry about cleaning at a time like this,” Petra muttered, nails bitten down to the quick.

            Mikasa’s stomach was churning. _This is ridiculous_ , she thought, heart pounding. _The runt would never act out like this! He’s got way to much self-control and caring for others_ – she stopped, eyes widening, remembering her actions during the 57th expedition. _Oh_.

            **Levi dropped his arms. “ _Our love is God_ ,” he sang. “ _Our love is God.”_ He took another step back. _“Our love is God_.” Another step. “ _Our love is God, our love is God._ ” He stood at the edge of the Wall, heels hanging over the sid.e**

**Erwin watched him silently as the wind whistled. “ _Say hi to God_ ,” he sang quietly.**

“Shit!”

            **Levi smiled sadly, raising a fist and slamming it against his chest. Then, without another word, he fell back.**

**Erwin stood alone at the top of the Wall, surrounded by corpses, staring into empty space.**

Everybody stared at the TV, eyes wide, hearts pounding. “What the _shit_ , Bob?” Levi finally demanded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen Heathers, watch it, or else I will send an angry Levi with a sword after you.
> 
> (Wait. . . that might not be the best threat. . .)


	6. We're the Same (Sisi ni Sawa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aruannie fluff. That's literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song was suggested by Jason Liu!
> 
> And, yes, I'm still writing this thing; it's not like I have a social life, anyways (also, new chapter of Power to Strive III is up! 3B is killing me!)

**Annie and Armin stood behind the cabins at the Training Corps. Annie was leaning against the wall, staring at Armin, while he had his hands behind his back.**

Armin suddenly let out a strangled yell of horror, covering his face with his hands. Everybody jumped, looking at him.

            “Armin?” Eren asked. “Are you okay?”

            “ _Nooooooooo_. . .” the blonde boy groaned, burying his face in a pillow. “Not this! Anything but this!”

            A devilish grin was beginning to spread across Ymir’s face, Connie and Sasha looking on gleefully. “Oho,” Ymir cackled. “I see where this is going!”

            “Bob, why?!”

            “Time out!” Hange declared. “Are you saying this is actually from the past?” Armin let out an embarrassed wail.

            “Well, if Bob’s showing it to us, I don’t see the problem –” Erwin began, and Armin cut him off with a scream into the pillow. “Uh, okay.”

            **“Well?” Annie asked. “What did you ask me to come here for?”**

            “Ooh,” Sasha grinned. Armin shoved his face even deeper into the pillow.

            **“Well,” Armin said, grinning nervously. “Reiner told me it was your birthday soon, and I felt really bad not getting you anything, so –” he held his hands out, showing Annie a flower-shaped hairpin.**

            “Aw,” Ymir crooned, making kissy lips. “You _lurve_ her.”

            “Ymir!” Historia said. “I think it’s sweet!”

            **Annie started, taking it hesitantly from him. “I –” she bit her lip. “Thank you. But I don’t see the point of such an unpractical gift. It could get damaged during ODM training.”**

            “Ouch,” Hange winced.

            **“We won’t always be training,” Armin said.**

            **“That’s strange, coming from you,” Annie said, turning her face away. “Aren’t you going to join the Survey Corps with your friends?”**

            Eyebrows raised as everybody turned to glance at Armin, who had most of his head hidden within the cushion by now.

            “I don’t exist,” he said, voice muffled. “I was never here. When I look up, this will all have been a bad dream.”

            **“Well, you’re going to the Military Police, aren’t you?” Armin said. “You’ll have plenty of chances to wear it.”**

            **“Hm.” Annie lifted the pin up, looking at it. “I suppose. It’s a strange gift, coming from you, though, Armin.”**

            “The sexual tension is killing me,” Ymir sighed, leaning back. Historia smacked her. “Ow! I was just telling the truth!”

            **Armin smiled faintly. “You know,” he said. “We’re more similar than you think, Annie. _Sisi ni sawa_.”**

            “Huh?” Hange asked. “What does that mean?”

            Eren frowned, then gasped. “Oh!” he said. “Armin! Wasn’t that a phrase in an Old Language from your grandpa’s book?”

            “Really?” Erwin asked, sitting up straight. “One of the forgotten languages?”

            “Yeah,” Eren said. “Hey, Armin, didn’t it mean –” the blonde boy suddenly shrieked very loudly, drowning out the rest of Eren’s sentence.

            **“You’re saying we’re the same?” Annie asked. “No, I don’t think so.”**

            “Harsh!”

            **“ _You think that life is one big game. You joke, you laugh, you take no blame_ ,” Annie moved off the wall as bouncy music began playing. “ _I’m telling you, there’s just no way that we’re the same_.”**

            “Ah, _there’s_ the music!” Hange said. “I was wondering where it’d gone.”

            “This didn’t happen,” Armin muttered, finally raising his head. “Bob must have added it herself.”

            **Annie began turning away, but Armin began singing too. “ _You got to look past what you see. Try not to judge so easily. Believe it or not, you’re a lot like me!_ ”**

            “When you add Marley and Eldia into consideration, that gets really deep,” Sasha whispered to Connie.

            **Armin moved to stand in front of her. “ _I said, believe it or not, you’re a lot like me!_ ” He held out a hand, smiling. “ _Sisi ni Sawa, it means we’re the same!_ ”**

            **Annie frowned, brushing his hand away. “ _I hear what you’re saying, but you need to explain_.”**

            **Armin grabbed her hand tugging her into the nearby woods. “ _At the end of the day, it’s like water and rain_.” He stopped near the creek, bending over to look into the reflected sky. “ _Sisi ni Sawa, we are the same_.” Annie titled her head, looking at her reflection in the water.**

            “Aw!” Sasha said. “Armin, I never knew you were such a romantic!”

            **Armin leapt onto one of the rocks jutting out of the creek, balancing on it and holding a hand out to Annie as the music continued playing. She frowned, taking his hand. He pulled her up to stand on the rock next to him, and she teetered for a moment, grabbing his shoulders.**

**He laughed. “ _Maybe I laugh, while you’re as prickly as a burr, but take a look under the fur_.” He let go of her hand, jumping onto another rock. She threw her hands out to balance herself, grip tightening on her hairpin. “ _Deep in our heart is what matters for sure_.”**

            “I think I’m going to get a cavity,” Levi whispered to Petra. She held back a giggle as she held a finger to her lips.

            “I think it’s sweet,” she said.

            “Yeah, well you’re practically made of sugar.”

            **Armin finished leaping across the creek and knelt on the banks, glancing back at her with a smile. “ _‘Cause we both know a higher call, like every creature, big and small_.” She bit her lip, jumping after him and kneeling on the ground next to him. He pointed at a line of ants walking through the grass. “ _The circle of life should be what’s guiding us all_.” She looked down, turning away, and he took her hand. “ _The circle of life will guide us all!_ ”**

            _She’s guilty,_ Mikasa realized. _She’s guilty that she exists, that she’s brought us so much pain, and that she likes someone she’s supposed to kill_.

            **He stood up and began marching through the woods in parade form. “ _Sisi ni Sawa means we’re the same!_ ” Annie laughed at his jerky movements, then quickly slammed a hand over her mouth.**

            Jean laughed too. “Armin, that is _not_ how you impress a girl.”

            “At least she found it funny,” Eren said. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Annie laugh. And, Jean, it’s not like you’re some expert.”

            “Hey! Like you’re any better, Titan Ass!”

            **“ _Though you’ve got your spots, and I’ve got a mane_.” Annie stood up, and Armin stopped in front of her.**

            **Armin’s smile grew, and he saluted sharply to her. “ _At the end of the day, it’s like water and rain. Sisi ni Sawa we are the same_.” He spread his arms, stepping back.**

            “How the hell do you guys have so much free time?” Levi muttered.

            **Annie smiled, joining in. “ _Sisi ni Sawa, we are the same_.”**

            **Annie chuckled, looking to the side. “ _Never thought that we’d see eye-to-eye._ ”**

            **“ _I can’t imagine why_ ,” Armin sang. He turned in a circle, flopping on his back. “ _It’s very easy if you try_.”**

            _It’s hard to see her as the Female Titan, who murdered our squad_ , Petra thought. _They’re just kids_.

            **Annie rubbed her arm self-consciously as Armin looked up at her. “ _Still, to me, they’re brand-new thoughts, not to judge trees by their knots!_ ”**

            **“ _Sis ni Sawa!_ ” Armin sand, standing up. “ _Sisi ni Sawa means we’re the same_.”**

            **Annie turned away, looking up at the sky. “ _Forget about the past, when there’s nothing to gain_ ,” she sang softly.**

            Erwin felt an unbridled pang of pity for the girl. _She’s just following orders. Orders she can’t disobey_. He thought of Levi, Mike, and Hange, and wondered what he’d do in her position – destroy a hundred lives of enemies he saw as less than human, or risk losing the people closest to him.

            **Annie turned to look back at the creek. “ _At the end of the day, it’s like water and rain_.” She jumped a bit as Armin wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up slightly.**

            Ymir wolf-whistled and Connie made kissy motions with his hands. Armin groaned.

            **“ _Sisi ni Sawa, we are the same_.” Armin lowered Annie, and they both smiled. “ _Sisi ni Sawa means we’re the same._ ” Armin took her hand, twirling her, and she smiled. “ _Forget about the past, when there’s nothing to gain._ ” Armin smiled at his reflection, which rippled, changing into Annie’s when a leaf landed on the water. “ _At the end of the day, it’s like water and rain_.” Armin grinned, splashing Annie, and she gasped, kicking a spray of water back at him. He laughed. “ _Sisi ni Sawa, we are the same_.”**

            “How many times have they said that now?” Eren asked Mikasa.

            “I count ten,” she whispered back.

            **“ _Sisi ni Sawa, we are the same_.” They leapt back across the creek, and he took her hand as they jogged back to camp.**

            **“ _Sisi ni sawa, we are the same_ ,” Armin finished the song, tugging Annie closer. He took the hairpin from her, sticking it in her bun. She blushed slightly, looking away.**

            **“We should go,” she said, taking a step back, hand raising slightly to brush the pin.**

            **“Okay,” Armin smiled. “Let’s go.”**


	7. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact about me: I'm a _huge_ musical nerd (my favorites at the moment are Heathers, Hamilton, Once On This Island, and, always, the Phantom of the Opera) (I actually wrote a PotO fic on Fanfiction.net if you're interested) (It's shitty and hasn't been updated in forever, but whatever).
> 
> Anyways, this song is from the Frozen Broadway musical, and it's _so_ good, I can't even. _Fucking listen to it_ please and thank you :)
> 
> Also, _major_ manga spoilers up to 115! Be warned!

**“ _Now, this one_ ,” Bob said, with the air of an announcer showing off a grand prize. “ _This one’s for all the manga readers out there!_ ” She sniffed, long and hard, and there was a loud, trumpety noise.**

            “I don’t get why she spends so much time sobbing her eyes out,” Jean grumbled, and everybody shot him warning looks. “What? I’m just saying.”

            “Well, we can’t actually see her,” Ymir pointed out. “So she could be bawling her ass out, for all we know.”

            “Okay, gross.”

            “Ew!”

            “I did _not_ need that image.

            **“ _If you could stop discussing my ass-sobbing techniques_ ,” Bob huffed. “ _We’ve got another song en-fucking-joy, mothershittas!_ ”**

            “Mother-what nows?”

            “Did she just admit to crying through her ass?” Sasha whispered to Connie.

            **Slow piano music began playing as a stage appeared, a single figure standing on it, silhouetted darkly by a spotlight behind him. The camera moved, and the figure lifted his head, revealing himself to be Levi. There was a long, jagged scar down his face going over one closed eye, his nose, and lips, and there were multiple smaller scars scattered near his jaw and cheeks.**

            Jean choked on a drink of water. “What the _fuck?_ ”

            “Who could have one that?” Armin stuttered, pale.

            “My money’s on Mikasa!” Sasha blurted out before slapping a hand over her mouth, eyes widening as everybody whipped around to glare at her, particularly Levi and Mikasa.

            “I would _never_ do that,” Mikasa snapped, defensive, while Levi snarled, “Bold of you to assume she’d get close enough.”

            “All right, children, let’s calm down, shall we?” Hange said, looking nervous. “I’m sure this is Bob just shitting us again, right?”

            **Bob didn’t reply. Instead, an image popped onto the screen:**

****

“What the fuck?” Eren asked.

            “Friends gone?” Sasha looked unsettled.

            “Family gone?” Mikasa frowned.

            “Commander gone?” Erwin’s eyes narrowed, possibilities flitting through his mind.

            “ _Fingers_ gone?” Levi spluttered.

            **Bob blew her nose again. “Damn it, Isayama!” she yelled. “At least let us know whether or not they’re alive!”**

            Everybody frowned again, and a chill raced down Levi’s spine. “Alive?” he muttered.

            **“Oh, shit, that’s a spoiler,” Bob said. “Never mind!”**

            “Wait, what do you mean –”

            **“Now, back to your regularly scheduled nonsense!”**

            **Levi looked up as the music kept playing. “ _It’s finally come_ ,” he sang. “ _Come to knock down my door. I can’t hide this time, like I hid before_.”**

            _When did he ever hide?_ Petra asked. _What’s Levi – or, rather, Bob – saying?_

            **“ _The storm is awake. The danger is real_.” Levi winced, bringing a hand to his forehead.**

            Hange whistled as she stared at the contraption that had replaced Levi’s right hand. “Now, that,” she said. “Is Fullmetal Levi.”

            “What the fuck is that?” Levi demanded. “And _where the shit is my hand?_ And my face, for that matter?”

            “It looks like ODM,” Armin supplied. “Maybe it can be used for blades?”

            “That’s probably it,” Hange nodded. “I’m curious to how it’s attached to his hand, though. It doesn’t look like a normal prosthetic.”

            “I think everybody is missing the point. _Where in the fucking hell is my hand?_ ”

            **“ _My time’s running out,_ ” Levi brought both hands to his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “ _Don’t feel. Don’t feel_.”**

            Levi frowned, his concerns about his missing appendage temporarily pushed to the side. _Don’t feel_. How many times had he repeated those words to himself in the Underground? It felt almost haunting to hear them again – and from his own mouth, nonetheless.

            **“‘ _Fear will be your enemy, and death it’s consequence_ ’,” Levi brought his hands down, looking up. “ _That’s what they once said to me, and it’s starting to make sense_.”**

            Jean felt uncomfortable as he listened to Levi singing. It disturbed him to think that, right underneath Mitras, children were fighting and killing just to stay alive, and barely even living – just existing. _What did I do when I was that age?_ Something dumb and irrelevant, no doubt.

            **“ _All this pain, all this fear, began because of me_ ,” a new voice began singing, and another spotlight switched on, pointing towards the opposite end of the stage. Eren stood under the bright light, longer hair hanging over his shoulders, Shifter lines around his eyes. “ _Is the thing they see the thing I have to be?_ ”**

            “Woah! Eren?” Sasha said.

            “Another duet!” Hange said.

            “You look like a hobo,” Connie said.

            **“ _A monster,_ ” Levi sang, not looking at Eren. “ _Were they right? Has the dark in me finally come to light_?”**

            _Monster_ , Erwin thought back to Mikasa’s ‘fight’ with Annie, and what the blonde had called the other girl. _I wonder. . . did Annie know about the Ackermans? Could she have known about Levi? Their relationship to the Titans? The Awakening?_

            **“ _Am I a monster full of rage,_ ” Eren sang, similarly ignoring the Captain. “ _Nowhere to go but on a rampage?_ ”**

            “I don’t think you’re a monster,” Historia said, nestled comfortably in Ymir’s lap.

            Eren smiled weakly. “Nice of you to say,” he said. But something about the him on screen disturbed him. When he’d looked up, his eyes had looked dull. . . dead.

            “You do have plenty of rage, though,” Jean chortled.

            “I’m gonna beat your ass, Horseface!”

            “See what I mean?”

            **“ _Or am I just a monster_ ,” Eren sang.**

            **“ _In a cage?_ ” both Levi and Eren sang as the beat picked up.**

            “Damn!”

            “Catchy!”

            **“ _End this winter. Bring back summer_.” The camera turned, showing the nobles from the King’s court standing on the catwalk above the stage, looking down at Levi and Eren. “ _Keep your guard up!_ ”**

            “Ew, _those_ guys.”

            “Why the fuck are they so good at singing?”

            “Who knows? Fuck them.”

            **The camera whipped around again, showing Erwin standing in front of the stage. “ _No harm comes to him!_ ”**

            “Who’s he talking about?” Connie wondered. “The Captain or Eren?”

            “Could be either,” Hange shrugged. “Come to think of it, though,” she added. “Levi’s trial was a whole lot more complicated than Eren’s.”

            “What, really?” Armin asked.

            Levi rolled his eyes. “Did you really think they were gonna let some Underground mobster skip free?” he asked. “Nah, it was easier with Eren.”

            “All Erwin had to do was pull out some fancy words and get Levi to put on a little performance,” Hange said, and Mikasa scowled slightly. “And the Survey Corps is the only place where we could actually use the Titan powers. Zackly knew that.”

            “Not nearly as much paperwork, either,” Erwin sighed.

            **“ _End this winter. Bring back summer. Keep your guard up!_ ” There was a drum riff.**

            **“ _What do I do?”_ Eren asked. “ _No time for crying now. I’ve started this storm, gotta stop it somehow_.”**

            “Don’t say that,” Mikasa said. “This has been going on for way longer than we’ve been alive. You didn’t start it.”

            “But, then again,” Ymir said. “He’s the Founding Titan, which means there’s a tiny part of him that’s Me Fritz. So he technically _did_ start it –”

            “Not helping!”

            **“ _Do I keep on running? How far do I have to go?_ ” Levi sang. “ _And would that take the storm away, or only make it grow?_ ”**

            “They’re both using winter as metaphors,” Erwin realized.

            “But what are they talking about?” Armin asked.

            “Sounds like their own personal struggles with the war,” Hange noted.

            “We’re also _both here_ ,” Eren added, and a few people giggled.

            **“ _I’m making my world colder. How long can it survive?_ ” Eren held up his hand, revealing a bleeding gash across his palm. “ _Is everyone in danger as long as I’m alive?_ ”**

            “What’s that?” Hange grabbed her notebook.

            “Maybe it’s for delayed Shifting,” Armin suggested. “Make the wound first, and then just become a Titan whenever.”

            Hange squealed, and Petra wined, covering her ears.

            **“ _Was I a monster from the start?_ ” Levi sang. “ _How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage,_ ” he threw his arms out.**

            “Damn, that high note,” Sasha muttered.

            **“ _Caught in a war that I never meant to wage,_ ” Eren sang.**

            **“ _Do I kill the monster?_ ” both men sang together.**

            “Uh, no, and no,” Connie said.

            “No offense to anyone else,” Jean said, gaze lingering on Ymir and Mikasa. “But we’re all fucked without you two. Please and thank you.”

            **“ _Father_ ,” Eren sang, the tune suddenly changing. “ _You know what’s best for me._ ” He took a step closer to the edge of the stage. “ _If I die, will they all be free?_ ”**

            “No,” Ymir answered “In that case, we’d just be losing our upper hand against Marley.”

            Mikasa slapped the back of Eren’s head. “Don’t be an idiot,” she said.

            “That’s a bit hard for him,” Jean commented. Eren punched him.

            **“ _Mother_ ,” Levi sang. “ _What if after I’m gone, the cold gets colder, and the storm rages on?_ ”**

            Petra half-smiled, half-frowned, finding it both sweet and sad that both of them were ‘talking’ to their dead parents.

            **“ _No!_ ” they sang at the same time.**

            A few people jumped at the sudden note.

            **“ _I have to stay alive and fix what I’ve done,_ ” Eren sang. “ _Save the world from myself and bring back the sun!_ ”**

            **“ _If I’m a monster, then it’s true_ ,” Levi sang. “ _There’s only one thing left for me to do._ ” He threw his hands into the air. “ _But before I fade to white, I’ll do all that I can do to stay alive!_ ”**

            “They’re our boys!” Hange grinned.

            **“ _I cannot be a monster_ ,” Eren sang, low.**

            **“ _I will_ not _be a monster_ ,” Levi sang.**

            **“ _Not tonight!_ ” they sang together as the camera spiralled up into the air and the screen turned black.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I like the Fullmetal Levi theory. It gives me life, okay?
> 
> Also, minor announcement (if you read Power to Strive III). I have school! I have tests soon! I have no time! Therefore, I won't be able to update weekly anymore :( The updates will most likely be bi-weekly or tri-weekly. Thanks for understanding (^○^)


	8. Update!

Hey. . .

So. . .

I haven’t updated this for a long time, and I don’t think I ever will again. I’ve got a lot of stuff going on in my personal life, and I’ve just got too many fics in progress right now.

Wait! Don’t leave! Because this fic is  **not being abandoned** **!**

My good pal here on AO3,  **Crystallion12** , will be taking over this fic! They’re an amazing writer, and, unlike me, they have not forgotten that this fic exists :)

Enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *Hands Eren the Marley Arc* You ass.
> 
> BTW, you guys should definitely check out Blixemi. She's got amazing videos, and a lot more songs. If you're a fan of Warriors (like me lol), you'll love her channel!


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